I have been to the school gym everyday this week so far.  Yay Me!  Adam has been walking with the dogs everyday and has made it to 2 miles.  YAY ADAM!  I am so proud of him, he is really trying.  We are really making good progress and, for once in my life, this diet that I am on is not leaving me hungry.  Once in a while I crave sweets, but I have been able to stave those off so far.  As far as the exercise, I am doing a lot better than I thought I would.  Last week I couldn't do more than 5 minutes on the eliptical and 10 minutes on the treadmill and this week I did 12 minutes on the eliptical at a faster pace and 20 minutes on the treadmill with 4 minutes running.  I hope, if I was to win the trainer, that they could get more out of me.  It just seems that the people on the show are just as out of shape as me and their trainers seem to get them working so much harder than I feel I ever could.  I see them running on those treadmills and cycling those bikes amazingly fast, it just seems impossible for me.  Don't get me wrong, I am proud of my improvement, I just feel like I could do better and don't know how to do better.  I am thinking more and more of applying for the show itself, I just think about missing important milestones with my baby daughter and I chicken out.  Anyway, as far as Adam's pregress, I am so very proud of him.  Even though he is having a hard time going into the school with me due to his lack of self confidence, he is trying to find alternate ways of getting his exercise.  He is walking up to 2 miles and I almost have him convinced to come with me to at least swim.  I have faith in him and I know he will come around sooner or later.  I know he is proud of me as well.

 

Okay, now for the show.  How does everyone feel about the teams Bob picked?  I was so disappointed in him when he did not choose his own blue team.  I love him and I just couldn't understand why he did it.  I understand picking the Black team as far as strategy goes because they are probably going to win if they don't fall below the line.  But he broke poor Gillian's heart too by doing that.  Beyond that whole situation, I felt so bad for the Black team.  I can't believe Paul actually gained and Kelly lost 0.  And poor Jenn, her "friend" didn't even seem upset to see her go.  I don't even know her and I was crying for her.  As much as I like Brittany, I think she should have been the first to go.  First, she has the least to lose on the team so her numbers are probably not going to be huge from here on out, second, she has no real attachment to anyone at the ranch, and third, she just seems like she could bring what she learned on the ranch to the real world and kick butt from home too.  However, I really do like her and I know if I was faced with the decision I would not know what to do either. 

 

Well, as always, I hope everyone sharing in this journey is doing well....until next time....

Well to start, I have finally gotten up the nerve to go to the school gym and pool.  I have worked out and swam everyday for the past 3 days.  I AM SOOOOO PROUD OF MYSELF!!!  I have been doing a circuit like they show you in the Biggest Loser Book and, eventhough I can't believe it, I have been actually doing the intermediate workout.  I am in quite a bit of pain and I've got a cold, but nothing can make me stop now.  I can do this, I know I can, and come hell or high water I will be there everyday!  I've been wanting to video my workouts for our site, but have not gotten to do it yet, but I will.  Now, the only part that I am not happy about is, I have not been able to get Adam to go with me.  The first night he went and when we got to the weight room he backed out.  I think all the people intimidated and maybe embarassed him.  I know it's hard walking in there, I practically cried the first time, but I tried to tell him their opinion of you has no effect on our life.  I have been trying so hard to talk him into coming or maybe talking about how he feels on here, but so far it's no go.  If anyone has any advice on how to reach him, please feel free to send them to me.  I am so proud of his progress and nothing can take away from his accomplishments, but I want so badly for him to stop feeling that way and just focus on getting himself healthy.  I don't know what else to do for him.  I feel like I am letting him down.  He motivates me everyday by telling me how proud of me he is and how fantastic he thinks I look.  Because of him, I am getting myself there everyday and I just want all my words of encouragement to do the smae thing for him, but I am obviously doing something wrong.  Please help me get to him.  He means everything to me and the kids.  I am doing what I am doing not only to be here for the kids but also to make sure I get to spend my old age with my husband and without him my plan doesn't work.  We really need this personal trainer to hopefully give him the extra motivation he apparently needs.  I am trying to get him to at least walk the track at the school while I am working out, but he is kind of complaing about the cold, which I really can't blame him totally for.  Well, I will continue working on him until he gets to a point where he can at least create some type of workout that will work for him whether it's walking the track, video workouts at home, or actually getting up the courage to just walk into that room and not care what anyone else thinks. 

 

Onto the show....What did everyone think?  I was absolutely shocked that they chose Paul and Kelly, but I was extatic that they won.  Nobody deserves to go home, but I wish Mark and Jay went because I know they can do it at home.  Mark only has 50 lbs. left to lose.  Besides, men always lose more than women and I think a team of two men is not fair.  Just my opinion about the game part of it, but like I said they deserve to be there to lose weight just like everyone else. 

 

I guess that's all for now.  Until next time....

I have still been trying to get myself into an exercise routine.  We swam a couple of times, but not routinely.  I was going to start today in the weight room at the school, but I forgot it was a school holiday today so tomorrow will have to do.  I will update tomorrow with some pictures of my first real workout and whether or not I made it through without getting sick or passing out. 

 

As for food, I have been sticking to my calories and have been trying to make sure I am eating whole grains and fruits and veggies as opposed to all the fat and white flour I normally eat.  I think I am doing okay.  Same goes for Adam.  I think I talked Adam into doing a video blog so maybe we can get more of an idea of how he is really feeling.  He has had the cold the rest of us had last week so he is a little tired, but hopefully he will do it today.  We have had a tough week as far as arguing about everyday things, but we have never stopped encouraging, motivating, and complimenting each other as far as weight loss is concerned.  It is still hard when you are not getting along as well as you could be.  This is where I begin to get discouraged because of everyday life gets a little rough.  Not this time, nothing can make me quit now because my life and the lives of my children depend on me succeeding. 

 

I am still weighing myself too much so I know tomorrow weigh in is going to be disappointing, but I won't let the cat out of the bag until tomorrows official weigh-in. 

 

Lastly, the thing I am most happy about is the eating habbits of my children.  They are eating things I never thought I would see them eat.  The chicken nuggets and french fries are out and my daughters new favorite food is salad with light ranch dressing.  My son is cleaning his plates of veggie stir fry and not complaining.  They are tasting every veggie and when they don't like it I wait a coupole of days and try again.  They are doing better than I am with the veggies.  I hate most veggies, but I am trying.  They are eating brown rice, whole wheat pasta, whole wheat bread, drinking water, milk, and juice and loving it.  I am so proud of them.  I could not have hoped for anything better. 

 

Well, until next time...

 

Yesterday was not a banner day for me.  I had a rough day what with something happening to my van, my husband not having a way to work since our other vehicle is already immobile, and my mood is still a little depressed from the cold I had.  I just got so frustrated yesterday I cheated a little.  I went about 250 calories over my daily target(that may not sound that bad, but I am still really disappointed in myself) by eating candy.  I also ate a lot of empty calories instead of what I should have been eating.  I know life is going to keep happening and all the bad stuff is not going to be put on hold because I am on a diet, but this is where I have failed many times before.  I am going good, losing weight and then all of a sudden...BAM...life hits and your sitting in the emergency room with your kids, you're on the phone with your auto insurance company, you don't have quite enough money to pay that last bill, or you're arguing with your husband because he has no way to work and apparently that is your fault(no bitterness there...really!).  I have to learn to let things go and stay on track, things always find a way of working themselves out.  Things are a little better today but we still have no car and a week full of activities planned;  our children have dance, cub scouts, we wanted to go to the pool, and we had planned to start hitting the weight room at the school.  You start to think that all the forces of the world are against you losing weight and this is what causes me to not be as successful as I know I can be.  I have lost a lot of weight before and I know it really is just a state of mind, but I am continuing my journey and there is nothing that can make me stop.  I just know that things would go a lot smoother and faster if I could figure out how to get myself into that state of mind.  I am out of ideas and need help.  I want to make it clear to myself and the world, I am not trying to make excuses and I am going to keep plugging away no matter what.

As for Adam...obviously he is experiencing the same highs and lows as I am, he just handles them differently.  Somehow that wonderful man can let things go so easily...I envy him.  He has stuck to his diet and is continuing to work to his potential.  His one set back will be today into tomorrow.  He is forced to stay at work tonight because he has no ride and that will mean I won't be there to put his food together with the appropriate amount of calories and nutrients for the day.  I believe in him though and I know he will try his hardest to at least eat healthily and stay near his calorie intake for the day.   Hopefully he will update on his own as well come Monday or Tuesday. 

Well, tomorrow is a new day and no matter my state of mind I will stick to my diet and I will try my hardest to get that dreadful, I mean wonderful, exercise in.  So, until then...

 

 

 

 

• First, all the other contestants were people from school I did not get a along with...you know all the pretty, popular people...They were already thin, of course, and I was the only "fat" person.  (Not really sure what this meant, but a guess would be how inadequite I have been feeling lately has something to do with it) 
• We were all supposed to be exercising and I was in some room trying to find workout clothes that actually fit me;  everything I put on would rip because I was just too big for them.  (This, I think is self explanitory)
• After 2 hours of not finding something Bob and Jillian came to look for me and I was so upset that I tried to hide from them.  When they found me I was soooo embarassed, but like they are on TV, they talked to me and brought me to finish the workout with everybody else.  (I think this shows the lack of motivation and support I have been feeling and my desire to have people like them to help me train to my full potential)
• Later that evening Jillian and Bob stopped by our house and sat with us for a minute.  Then the both got up and told us we will never accomplish what we want to being so lazy.  (This is an obvious reference to my disappointment in myself over my activity level this week)

Then, because of my husbands yelling and poking me, I woke up.  I think I cried for almost an hour.  I am really disappointed in myself.  I have to get moving, I have to find the motivation within myself, I have to stop making excuses and start changing my habits.  My metabolism is probably so low from missing meals and not getting in my exercise.  I have to get refocusesd and make my mind and body as ready as I am to get this done.

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