I went away with my husband for my birthday and we got home yesterday.  We had a really good time with each other, but we didn't really eat too well.  I am not going to stress over it though, we went right back to our diet when we got home.  We didn't weigh-in on Tuesday because that is the day we left and we forgot.  I guess we will just skip this week and do it next week.  Too bad too because I weighed in a couple days early and I was down 4 lbs. and now with the couple days we took off I will probably be back up. 

 

My partner for BL6 and I are in the process of putting together a video, I hope we get a call this time.  I am trying to be as optimistic as possible, but it just felt like they didn't even see me when I was there.  It is started to get to me and I am losing confidence again.  I always do this to myself, I look for something to say "that is what messed me up".  I just feel like if they look at me and see someone not worthy of being on the show and losing weight, then I am not worth it, I can't do it, I don't deserve it.  I am not giving up that easy though, I am getting up dusting myself off and trying again.  I want to be on the show so badly, I think it is the one thing that can save my life and I AM NOT GIVING UP, NOT THIS TIME!!!!!  My life is worth living and my kids are worth living for!! 

Well, I didn't hear back, but they did encourage us all to make a video too.  So, my new awesome friend, Tiffany and I are putting together an awesome video and I know they will pick us.  We did get to meet Bill from last seasons Biggest Loser and Poppy from season 3 at home contestant, that was awesome.  Here are a couple pictures...

So tomorrow is the day,  I am so nervous.  I realize that there are tons and tons of people that are applying for the show and my chances are not the greatest, but I want this extremely bad.  I hate feeling worthless and while thinking about whether I should do this or not I realized I never tried because I felt like I wasn't even good enough to be on the show.  I am done with that, I am good enough, I am worth it, I am deserving, it's my time to shine.  I wish Adam was coming with me, but I met this really sweet girl on the BL online club and she has decided to meet me there and we will try out as a team.  Please pray for me to be chosen, this will not only change my life but the lives of my entire family and not only change our lives but SAVE them.  My children will never know what is like to be fat or to be embarassed by the sight of their parents.  They will be healthy, happy, beautiful adults.  So here I go, hopefully to save our lives, wish me luck...

Well, we weighed in today and the results were less than satisfying.  I gained 2 and Adam gained 1.  My disappointment turned to stupidity when we ate junk.  We ate cheeseburgers and fries for dinner and we had a fried fish sandwhich for lunch.  i am totally ashamed of this.  I don't know why I get so down on myself when I slip up.  I should've just kept going and I know from experience things would have been better next week.  Now I am going to see this slip up on the scale next week and I am going to be even more disappointed.  We are going to do our best to get back on track and continue our weight LOSS journey. 

 

Okay, now the show.  I was so disappointed in Paul, why didn't he even try to be good at home.  I feel so bad for him, he was doing so well.  He obviously wasn't ready to be home and now he has to do it all alone.  I wish him all the luck in the world and I pray to God he can find the strength to continue.  I don't understand what his team was thinking.  I don't think they have a prayer in the world to win another weigh-in without Paul.  I could be wrong and I hope I am  because I want them to beat blue so bad.  I like most of Blue and Bob, but I always root for the underdog. 

 

Now for the open call in NYC.  I believe I found someone to go with me.  I met a nice young girl on the BLC site that sounds really interested.  We are going to talk more tomorrow, I hope it all works out.  I really had to psych myself up for even trying to become a contestant and now I am ready to go all the way.  Please wish me luck, I'll let you know how it goes.

 

Until next time....

 I can't believe black actually won the weigh-in again.  I am really happy for them, but I love Bob and I feel bad for him.  As far as them voting off Trent, even though he volunteered, I felt so bad for him.  I thiink he needed to be there.  Kelly and Paul are still my favorites and they are not disappointing me with their weigh-ins.  They are doing awesome.  Bernie and Brittany are great too, I pull a lot of inspiration and motivation from them.  I get a lot of inspiration and motivation from almost all of them.

 

As far as me auditioning next weekend in NYC, I found someone who might go with me,  I am sooooo excited.  I am going to make a tape as well in case things don't go as planned at the casting call.  I'm going to go get my hair done, get waxed (unfortunately that includes my lip...ouch), and my nails done tomorrow just to be ready to impress.  Besides, I think I deserve some pampering after working my butt off the past few weeks to lose these 19.4 lbs.

 

Lastly, I just want to thank everyone for the wonderful words of encoouragement I have been getting, it really does make all the difference.  So THANK YOU, without you all this journey might have ended a lot sooner than I would have wanted.

 

 

I saw that there is going to be an open casting call for BL6 in NYC on 2/23 and I wanted to try out really, really, really bad, but I have no partner.  Obviously I would love for Adam to be able to do it with me, but that is not possible with our 3 little ones.  I actually got up the courage that I thought I was lacking and decided to go for it and now I can't do it because I have no one willing to go with me.  I posted on Biggest Loser Club and created an event on here to try to find anyone that would want to go w/ me, but no one seems to be able to help me.  I am soooooo upset, I want to do this really bad.  If you read this and know anyone who can help me out, I would really, really appreciate it.  I can't miss this opportunity it took me a long time to talk myself into it and I don't want to lose my courage.  PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

I have been trying to figure out where all my time goes.  I am on here quite often checking on everyones progress, keeping my site up to date, blogging, looking for new ideas for our site, etc.  I am exercising all the time and trying to eat healthy takes time away from me too.  It just seems like the ones I am doing this for are missing me more and more.  I hardly see the kids and when I do the baby gets most of my attention.  My husband is very supportive and picking up a lot of my slack, but I feel guilty.  I miss them and I miss him.  Someone please tell me where to get the time to do all of this.  I want it all.  I want to lose the weight, I want to eat healthy, I want to exercise, I want to spend hours just being with my babies and my husband, I want to keep this blog up to date, and I want to keep up with all of your successes an that is a major motivation factor for me.  How do I do it?  Well, I did go out and buy the Biggest Loser Cardio and Toning DVD's and I plan to involve my older children when I do it, so that will cut down on my out-of-the-house gym time and I will get to spend more time with everyone.  I have also decided to bring the kids with us when we go swimming.  We will get less of a workout, but we will get some and I will get more time with them.  I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping, so I have decided to do all of my Biggest Loser stuff when I am awake late at night by myself.  I am doing all of this to have more time for them so I need to make sure I succeed while being the mother and wife I want to be and the mother and wife that they deserve.  I just love them so much my heart hurts, so when I feel they are unhappy it breaks my heart and I lose my motivation to keep going and that is the last thing I want.  Well I am beginning to ramble so I guess I should just say...until next time...